Monday, April 12, 2010

Baby Steps, Baby Steps

If you can't get out of bed, if you haven't really managed this for days or weeks, try making a list of people who excite you tremendously, a list of people you could actually imagine yourself stalking.

Because here is a secret that people don't really like to admit, although television pretty much says it every hour, in its not-so-subtle way....

The will to stalk is the will to live.

If you begin to visualize the obtaining of the prize, the wonderful movie-like moment when the stalkee turns and smiles at you as in a Duncan Hines commercial, you may find yourself beginning to stir somewhat.

It might at least get you downstairs and carry you through the mechanics needed to prepare and eat a bowl of Froot Loops.

Don't feel discouraged if you can't reach the level of felony right away.

Remember: Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was like ninety or something.


  1. I'm so fucking depressed right now I can't even manage a misdemeanor . . .

  2. But you made a funny joke lol.

    I kept trying to type joke but typed "yoke" three times.

    Don't be sad.

    Play music that makes you happy or watch a comedy.

    Or be sad but then let it pass.

    I tried to go out to eat to make Lee happy tonight but then I chickened out.

    Last night it was all I could do to visit Wal-Mart at 3 a.m.

    Usually, I'm fine then because it's empty.

    But there were people fucking everywhere and I had a panic attack and got dizzy.

    I was sure someone had given me something and that I had a fever.

    I felt so damn hot.

    When I came home and took my temperature it was 97.5.

    So I was having an imaginary fever.

    Maybe I could market this.

    Actors could use it or something.

    Employees who wanted to go home early.

    These are just thoughts.

    I will need to speak to marketing people.

    From a great distance of course.