Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Happy Birthday, Paul!

I just realized what day it is.

Not sure how often you stop in, but if you read this you will see that I am a sensitive soul.

As if we ever had any doubt.

I thought about wishing Paul Weidenhoff a Happy Birthday since I liked the metaphysical tang of that.

That would be a book best written by Milan Kundera or somebody Czech and iffy like that.

But I suppose I should just wish you a Happy Birthday.

May you live to be a hundred and still enjoy the toy department at Wal-Mart at that age.

I have discovered my new fascination is actually the crafts aisle.

I find I have an unwholesome attraction now to pony beads.

The hippie chicks who also like pony beads probably think I am a pedophile cruising them in that aisle. But no. I am actually just standing there coveting pony beads.

I almost bought some yesterday but resisted. But I will fall soon. I want the beads with the letters on them. I want to wear bracelets that say sentences I have strung together. I want the coroner to be puzzled when he or she finds twenty strange messages on bracelets, anklets and necklaces.

That would be a funny reality show premise, now that television has lost all pretense to being an even half-moral medium. Practical jokes played on coroners with corpses.

Like have one corpse filled with gummy worms when they do the autopsy. Or have a male corpse made up female. Write a funny message on a dead guy's ass. Or a phone number with CALL ME in Sharpie. See if the coroner calls the number. Have a girl waiting and make the coroner think he's gonna get laid. Things like that.

Run it on that network that says it's for guys with lots of testosterone. They'd think it's hilarious. What's it called? REPRESSED HOMO TV? No...SPIKE TV. Same difference.

Okay, if it's too dicey for America run it in Mexico. They love death down there. Death is HUGE in Mexico. They throw it a picnic every year. Frida Kahlo's paintings weren't considered morbid by Mexico. She was just doing interior decorating according to the Mexicans. Like those werewolf eyebrows of hers. It's all good down there.

I'm on my slow computer or I would add the video of the best version of the song (Altered Images, of course!)


  1. werewolf eyebrows are kill for an extra pair of fuzzies to cap the brow....I dont celebrate birthdays..outside of presents..i do lovez me prezens...but I had a really nice adopted sister gave me a framed poem....she wrote me a poem about my late-night musings...i didnt know I proceeded to edit it...she had the one she wrote in kind of a grey relief in the background behind the one I drafted....also got a new hat..I'm totally into hats now..I shave my head with a razor mostly every day..the bald look works for me..though people are afraid of me at wife totally digs it...shagging has never been better....I do check in on your blog and this for your corpse reality it exquisite corpses?....spiketv would be great home for it..I love deadliest warrior.....violent bastard that I am....and ufc is boxing in 3-d....i must defend hearth and home from the heat's oppression (install my a/c and live fat in my 'work chair')


  2. " I proceeded to edit it"


    Poetry gift writers beware.

    It is ridiculously hot.

    I'm sure it's some meteorological scam cooked up between UGI and PPL so one robber baron owns the winter and the other robber baron owns the summer, which now starts in March or April.

    They have done away with autumn and spring for purely economic reasons.

    I hate that dead drop out of winter into summer.

    Go make the weather.

    I'm convinced they've been doing it for decades.

    I also think they're the people behind the dust bunny phenomenon.

    The Dust Bowl as actually a "dust bunny" experiment gone horribly awry.

    No, they've learned to control it.

    I call them "The Swiffer People."