Friday, May 21, 2010

Today

Lee gave me a 10 Schilling coin. It's pretty. It looks like a lady who is going to be beheaded. Early in the morning I did domestic things, cleaning things like dishes and stairs. I watched a documentary which debunked many myths surrounding the Pearl Harbor atttack, and revealed many fascinating facts about the true nature of the attack. I had it all wrong. Like you probably do. I saw a documentary about the last days of Hitler but I already knew every single fact in the documentary. It's hard to get news about Hitler. Stockard Channing narrated the Pearl Harbor thing. I bought a lot of books tonight. Mostly children's books. I want to rewrite some of them and keep the images. Rereading Gorey and enjoying it. I almost got up enough gumption to trim the horrendous hedge (it's declared war on us, clearly) but couldn't manage. I did get weeding done out front the other day but now I see an evil singular weed was hiding in the hydrangeas and is outpacing them in its rank growth. Everybody's outside suddenly. It's hot. My brother was vomiting in the background when I talked to my mom early this morning. We were going to go to IKEA but apparently this is not happening. I want to make it to the flea market on Sunday by 7 am for once. The one nobody goes to. Near where I used to work. Where everything is so damn cheap and they beg you to take the stuff. I decided I should make a concerted effort to masturbate less as "everything is connected." I was embarrassed when I realized the comfortable slinky polyester "slut shirt" that feels like silk I like to wear is actually a Sean John shirt. Lee pointed this out. I passed a SCHOLASTIC BOOKS van on the way home as it was getting dark and I could see Clifford. He comforted me. We hate AMERICAN IDOL but we watched some of it anyway. None of us cares who wins. We all hate them all. I had a grilled salmon salad tonight with tuna added in and some deep dark balsamic vinaigrette. We all shared calamari as the antipasto. I got good news in the mail. I bought an old Shaker cookbook (hardback). Do you think they make all the food plain and bland deliberately? I'm afraid that will be the case. I bought an abecedarian butterfly book with huge close-up color photographs of details of their scales. I bought The Phantom Tollbooth, which Jules Feiffer illustrated. I bought red and black "wheat glasses" from the fifties (two of each). Some creepy guy about my age tried to talk to me in the thrift store about Captain Kangaroo but I talked to him at a fifty-five degree angle to make him go away. I bought a detailed manual on apiculture, how to raise bees. Lee and Chas looked at me with that funny look. Someone said, "That is likely." I don't know if I see myself as an apiarist, but I could enjoy the fashion statement. Look what Sylvia Plath did with that as couture.I looked at pony beads again today and coveted them. Oh, I found two old crucifixes tonight at the thrift store. The smaller one was much cheaper but should have been priced much higher. I bought two cast iron painted bookends that are footballers wearing the old leather helmets. They look very old but they're probably just vintage (like sixties or seventies). Nice though for the right person. Not I. Lee said the shipping would have to be listed at 10.95 for the one set price USPS box. Aren't those commercials for those dumb? Condescending? Make a mental note. They got confused by the size of the Jesuses. I ordered an antique rosary online today. It's from France. The 1920s. I told Lee there has to be a horror movie out there about a haunted rosary. I probably just bought a tormented ghost. So now there will be two. Me and he or she. I didn't feel very bipolar this morning but as evening came on I began to feel very much so. I think saying the rosary (the real complicated one where you go through the POWERs and APPARITIONS and all the guardian hosts) might help me more than bipolar medications and will certainly have less toxic effects on my body. I don't feel like being a petechial Etch-a-Sketch again for Depakote or any other fucked up drug. Bad blood between me and some drugs. Literally. If you think about it, Shakers were the human version of the air plant. I keep writing this funny children's book in my head but I'm afraid to start writing it down.

4 comments:

  1. I had written a long and beautiful response to your post...would have been 'proustian' in its quiet quality..really..but alas my 'intuitive' mouse decided to back button me and erased my elegant perfection..this is a writer's version of a fish tale..no?
    I met the father of midi, david van kouverin- who also helped invent the technology that makes cds possible....he said I was very similar in disposition to stevie wonder (apparently, stevie wonder, a friend of his, is just as over-the-top bizarre in his humor as I am)...he has some radical ideas about holistic medicine I am anxious to learn more about (there are 31 'frequencies' in the body...cool metaphysical stuff)...and reality...time is a mobius (sp?)strip....meeting a lot of divergent-thinking christians, which is difficult to find...I am a devout christian, but 90+ percent of christians do not recognize the full radical aspect of the faith, and are very 'conventional', 'safe', the most inactive and hypocritical people you could ever want to meet...
    we are gathering a core group of divergent christian thinkers....daily action living in the word christians......scientists, inventors, pyschiatrists, artists, musicians...I call it a christian bohemia, and more than a few of them come from 'bohemian' type backgrounds...
    Drugs allow for the prevention of the diapsora of self from the state of norm...panaceas that fail to reach the core of the ill that sets such wild fluctuations into motion....for some, drugs really are the ONLY realistic solution....but for many others, getting on top of the conscience, of the subconscience, becoming intensely self-aware is a more effective, healthy way to grasp the dark and light contrasts that threaten all harmonic states of norm..I would love you to talk to my friend joe..he is a pschiatrist AND a priest...episcopal...but pretty heretical within the current manifestation of episcopal...to hear his 'food for thought' presentation about how knowledge, data, is the true necessary food of the body, and how these bites stay in the mind forever...the dark food can only be 'cancelled out' by consuming the food of light (speaking in generalities here, not in the 'light' of the Word, but in 'light-emitting' data that drowns the dark in its overpowering presence...from dark to grey to eventual light)....my language is instructing me to consume my own tail and I do not want to engage in onanistic displays of logorrhea....
    and yet....it is so difficult to resist a good panoply of heaven and hell within the fine dna threaded through syntactical bombast...
    I recently wrote a song for job using verses from that ancient poem..oldest book in the bible, so sez the people who say such things...
    flea markets....sold for two years at flea markets...loved the selling..the purchasing of inventory..hated setting up..tearing down...flea marketers are great people...damaged..fringe..like you...like me...
    someday...want to write a surreal novel (only kind I CAN write) about flea markets called.....er...The Flea Marketer's Odyssey...
    I hope you continue to fluctuate..but learn to blaze through those dark dips into existence..accept the dark in praise to the light, as it were...I don't know the degree of your fugue states, but if they are comparable to mine, I can tell you, the dark can be consumed by the light..or at least mitigated by it..(again, the general 'light'..not proselytizing here)....
    may your flea markets be gilded by rare birds that will 'go for a song'....god bless,
    paul

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had written a long and beautiful response to your post...would have been 'proustian' in its quiet quality..really..but alas my 'intuitive' mouse decided to back button me and erased my elegant perfection..this is a writer's version of a fish tale..no?
    I met the father of midi, david van kouverin- who also helped invent the technology that makes cds possible....he said I was very similar in disposition to stevie wonder (apparently, stevie wonder, a friend of his, is just as over-the-top bizarre in his humor as I am)...he has some radical ideas about holistic medicine I am anxious to learn more about (there are 31 'frequencies' in the body...cool metaphysical stuff)...and reality...time is a mobius (sp?)strip....meeting a lot of divergent-thinking christians, which is difficult to find...I am a devout christian, but 90+ percent of christians do not recognize the full radical aspect of the faith, and are very 'conventional', 'safe', the most inactive and hypocritical people you could ever want to meet...
    we are gathering a core group of divergent christian thinkers....daily action living in the word christians......scientists, inventors, pyschiatrists, artists, musicians...I call it a christian bohemia, and more than a few of them come from 'bohemian' type backgrounds...
    Drugs allow for the prevention of the diapsora of self from the state of norm...panaceas that fail to reach the core of the ill that sets such wild fluctuations into motion....for some, drugs really are the ONLY realistic solution....but for many others, getting on top of the conscience, of the subconscience, becoming intensely self-aware is a more effective, healthy way to grasp the dark and light contrasts that threaten all harmonic states of norm..I would love you to talk to my friend joe..he is a pschiatrist AND a priest...episcopal...but pretty heretical within the current manifestation of episcopal...to hear his 'food for thought' presentation about how knowledge, data, is the true necessary food of the body, and how these bites stay in the mind forever...the dark food can only be 'cancelled out' by consuming the food of light (speaking in generalities here, not in the 'light' of the Word, but in 'light-emitting' data that drowns the dark in its overpowering presence...from dark to grey to eventual light)....my language is instructing me to consume my own tail and I do not want to engage in onanistic displays of logorrhea....
    and yet....it is so difficult to resist a good panoply of heaven and hell within the fine dna threaded through syntactical bombast...
    I recently wrote a song for job using verses from that ancient poem..oldest book in the bible, so sez the people who say such things...
    flea markets....sold for two years at flea markets...loved the selling..the purchasing of inventory..hated setting up..tearing down...flea marketers are great people...damaged..fringe..like you...like me...
    someday...want to write a surreal novel (only kind I CAN write) about flea markets called.....er...The Flea Marketer's Odyssey...
    I hope you continue to fluctuate..but learn to blaze through those dark dips into existence..accept the dark in praise to the light, as it were...I don't know the degree of your fugue states, but if they are comparable to mine, I can tell you, the dark can be consumed by the light..or at least mitigated by it..(again, the general 'light'..not proselytizing here)....
    may your flea markets be gilded by rare birds that will 'go for a song'....god bless,
    paul

    ReplyDelete
  3. it's cool. it was in stereo.

    just got back from thrift stor'ing.

    thanks for your kind thoughts. i like eccentric christians.

    i like the o.c.d. aspects of catholicism and a lot of how they are really doing c.b.t. (no, not cock and ball torture--the OTHER one) with the rosary probably.

    was listening to CHILL on Sirius last night and realizing 90% of these people are just children of Brian Eno...but some was nice...

    they played two songs i liked...one by Jonsi I didn't know and one by Moby I didn't know....

    sorry just got in so thought is scattershot (well it always is).

    i found a penny picked it up and then twenty seconds later (maybe ten seconds) found a miniature book by Maurice Sendak.

    I've never had that proverb pay off that quickly before.

    I'll try to process the rest of your thoughts here.

    i like the mystical strains too. they are so practical.

    despite what people think.

    xo

    ReplyDelete