Thursday, July 8, 2010

Dear Loki,

I think you have ruined me for the other perverts. I pass up every offer. Cloudy beings. Why is he buying a dog collar and cat food? A few hot guys at wally world last night believe it or not, one looked Scandinavian. He looked back way too long. Actually I think two checked me out. Nobody warned me off with their eyes either. Where have all the heterosexuals gone? One white boy with a black chick I swear looked like that Malibu rapper whiteboy movie. Bling should not look like a Halloween costume. Gold chunk rings bigger than his cell phone. African earrings. The scandinavian kept appearing in the same aisle and "forgot something," would talk to himself furiously work his ass swiveling the cart, the cat ass thing. Have I ever been attracted to a blond guy in my life? Some celebrities or something. Not real blonds. He was six feet two or something but it didn't help. He wasn't made of fire. Have I been attracted to a blond? Cats. Well, technically Dru is strawberry blond. So was Finbar. Cruising ended in 1980 something, I thought. I let a cute young couple go ahead of me because I didn't want them psychoanalyzing my groceries. They bought such healthy food. They had the bones of deer. Maybe I just wanted them to smile and thank me. Youth is addictive. And then the dork asked the cashier where the cigarettes were. Oh well. Finbar died cruising something, I think a chipmunk. A car broke his neck. Left him dead on Sharon street. Didn't even leave a murderer's Thank You card. My brother cried when he found him. He brought his body to me. It was such a movie moment in my life. It was nice of my brother to cry...I mean because he hated me. And he was a grown man. He went a little overboard and gave Finbar a Viking funeral in the yard. He used too much gasoline and destroyed several trees in this little grove that reminded me of a Rousseau painting. But then the fire spread to the Howers yard too and some of their trees were burning. "It's okay," I explained, "it's a funeral." We were on good terms. The Burning of Lenker Manor. Redneckiana for you. Now I wonder did he just want to set a cat on fire? It was nice hallucinating with you last night. I thought you might block me after some of the stupid confessions I made. I see you haven't. Why do all the hot guys work in IT? Does reading other people's emails make you depraved. Constantly horny? Maybe I was trying to get you to block me. I do shit like that. Cockblock fire. Maybe you don't because you figure I'm a pervert magnet. Oh god please don't let this end up suddenly last summer. I'm starting to dream the Houseboy Dream. It must truly be over. What did Auden say about putting on the cocksucker's widow cap. God, he looked unhealthy his entire life. Pasty. Never mind. A poet. Don't ask. You probably read John Le Carre. I don't judge. I read Richard Scarry. Over and over. Like porn you want to see the pictures again. I hope you are having a good day.

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