Monday, July 26, 2010

Spock Bear is Outplayed

It was a hot July afternoon and Spock Bear was alone in his bedroom masturbating to Christmas carols. The phone rang and he got Vaseline all over the phone. It was another fucking bill collector. He had been fooled because the collection agency had blocked its number. Spock Bear pretended to be a woman, to get rid of the Indian guy on the phone. He tried to make the Calcutta guy hard. Spock Bear lamented that Spock Bear was not there and always left him alone and horny. It wasn't fair. And he couldn't take messages. Because he was only a girlfriend not a wife. Spock Bear felt himself getting emotional over his own abandonment of himself. So don't ask him to get a pen or pencil. It's just his girlie. Call back later. Only it wasn't a real bill collector in India who hated Americans. As it usually was. It was his gay bear friend Cummerbund Relish playing a practical joke. He cracked up when Spock Bear tried to sound like a layabout lush housewife in bed. Spock Bear felt like such a pussy. Cummerbund Relish said that the Marsh Grenadine Bear had almost died last night in a fabulous manner. But Cookie Two Cuts had driven the Marsh Grenadine Bear to the emergency room. There had been a hellacious fight over a Lady Gaga magnet at the bear bar last night. Rootles Van Ruggles had tried to kill the Marsh Grenadine Bear in the bathroom of the bear bar, but the Marsh Grenadine Bear had used a Corona bottle as a weapon. The Marsh Grenadine Bear had sustained some lacerations and in the melee lost both her Lady Gaga magnet and a book of bear poems. Why anyone in a bear bar would steal a book of poetry was the real mystery. It wasn't surprising that the Marsh Grenadine Bear was bleeding and required stitches. That was nobody's idea of a surprise.

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