Thursday, September 29, 2011

Pamplemousse (Bad "Good Ideas" of the Sort Offered by Yoko Ono)

Don't misread that post title.

I adore Yoko Ono's Grapefruit.

It's right up there (in terms of greatness) with the other great food-themed books of poetry in the 20th century: Tender Buttons and Lunch Poems.

Oh, and Naked Lunch too.

If Yoko had written a book with that title, it would have doubtless been a much happier book, and one about spiritual cleansing rather than spiritual muddying.

Grapefruit remains a touchstone, so I return to it again and again.

Today, I was taken with the really succinct instructions.

So thought I'd try to suggest some good bad ideas like that.

Right now it's raining and the sun is shining so brightly.

Should I go look for a rainbow?

I don't want to get my camera out.

Why do I feel I need to?

Because we are taught to own everything.

And owning a rainbow means it has to be in a transferable state.

Why do I feel I need photography to have a "transferable state?"

I don't know.

I believe what people say.

This is ridiculous. Thunder now. And the sun shining so bright and winds and rain.


Oh, by the way I think Lady Gaga's entire career is based on "Animal Piece" by Yoko Ono.

It says

Take one mannerism from one kind of
animal and make it yours for a week.

Take another mannerism from another
kind of animal and make it yours
without dropping the previously
acquired mannerism.

Go on increasing mannerisms by
taking them from different kinds
of animals.


That's from autumn of 1963.



WHORE PIECE.

Be a whore for a year.
This means a literal whore.
Have sex only for money.
Have sex only with people you despise.
Throw all the money you earn
into the ocean late at night.

Come back the next day
and see if any money washed ashore.




ANIMAL PIECE

Buy a cage large enough to hold you.
Lock yourself in this cage.
Hope that someone finds you.



DROWNING PIECE

Drown a musical instrument in a lake.
Come back a year later and dive and find it.
Do not clean the instrument.
Write music for this instrument.

Play the music

whether the instrument is intact or not.




FURNITURE PIECE

Make all your furniture from books.
Even the lamps must be paper.
If you glue the pages of books together,
they make better building materials.

Also, less people will attempt to read them.




SLEEP PIECE

Sleep naked under the moon.
But under a black umbrella.

Pretend moonlight burns
whenever it accidentally

touches your skin.




SPAM PIECE

Send 100 strangers an email
which says "Here's how to find me.
Please try to get here SOON.
I need you really bad right now."

Enclose as an attachment
a Googlemaps aerial view of your dwelling
with your address written on it.

Do not send any other emails
to these people--even if they write back.

If anyone shows up at your house,
answer the door holding a gun.

Ask them to stop stalking you.

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