Thursday, March 31, 2011

Big American Idiot of the Week



I was in the hospital tonight because some physician's assistant's assistant didn't know how to give an EKG.

She told me I was dying of a heart condition.

The hospital told me I had "a perfect EKG."

Go figure.

But I was stuck watching their t.v. instead of mine for hours (big change).

And did you see the story where Eric Cantor tried to rewrite how the U.S. Congress passes laws?

He wrote a "bill" whereby--if Congress did not have a working budget by the cut-off date--the bill would instantly become law and forbid Congressional shut-down.

A bill that would "become law" without even touching the Senate floor or the President's desk.

Helllllo??!? Anybody home. Someone needs to watch their "I'm Just a Bill" Schoolhouse Rock all over again.

I couldn't find a YouTube clip on this but it was just amazing.

Apparently, the #2 in the House really is an idiot.

And they had some other idiot defending him.

It really did remind me of that movie with Luke Wilson...about a future America where everyone is an idiot...including our "leaders."

This clip actually features the guy who lambasted the fuck out of his one colleague, trying to get him to admit that Eric Cantor is like seriously mentally challenged and should not even be representing himself let alone a Congressional district.

Oh, he needs a WARD alright.

Paranoid Parrot Meme

SURPRISE!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Saw the Letter "T" in Gold


(and abalone)

Poem: "I'm Not Spam...I'm an Imaginary Blonde Girl from California"

1. Real joy comes from within. about 2 hours ago via web
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2.

Well begun is half done. about 8 hours ago via web
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3.

You'd better wise up. about 19 hours ago via web
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4.

Good afternoon. I'm at the beauty salon getting a perm. Tuesday, March 29, 2011 6:18:12 AM via web
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5.

Wow, I had an awesome time today. Monday, March 28, 2011 6:59:44 PM via web
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6.

Once in a while; Once too often; Once in a blue moon Monday, March 28, 2011 7:43:20 AM via web
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7.

Just an ordinary one. Sunday, March 27, 2011 7:52:35 PM via web
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8.

How convenient! I'll take it. Sunday, March 27, 2011 11:50:20 AM via web
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9.

Stay on the right track. Sunday, March 27, 2011 4:07:59 AM via web
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10.

Practice makes perfect. Saturday, March 26, 2011 8:11:59 PM via web
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11.

What should I do? Saturday, March 26, 2011 9:51:59 AM via web
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12.

All for one, one for all. Friday, March 25, 2011 11:29:35 PM via web
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13.

No problem. Friday, March 25, 2011 5:24:01 PM via web
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14.

I'm at a complete loss. Friday, March 25, 2011 10:39:54 AM via web
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15.

It feels so comfortable. Friday, March 25, 2011 4:11:27 AM via web
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16.

I still have something important that I need to do. Thursday, March 24, 2011 6:29:35 PM via web
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17.

Have a pleasant flight! Thursday, March 24, 2011 11:38:48 AM via web
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18.

I'm not sure. Wednesday, March 23, 2011 1:54:38 PM via web
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19.

This is a nice place. Wednesday, March 23, 2011 6:13:38 AM via web
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20.

My dad got this clothes for me the day before yesterday, but it doesn't fit me. Tuesday, March 22, 2011 9:01:34 PM via web
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21.

Let's go to the food court, I just want a burger. 11:55 AM Mar 22nd via web
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BACKSTORY: THIS "PERSON" IS FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER. A PRETTY BLONDE WOMAN FROM LONG BEACH, CA. BUT THIS IS SO TRANSPARENTLY A SPAM ACCOUNT WAITING TO SPAM. I THINK IT'S FUNNY HOW THE BUSINESSMAN (I'M SURE IT'S A MAN) IMAGINES A PRETTY BLONDE WOMAN LOOKS AT LIFE...HE HAS HER POSTING THESE TOTALLY TWINKIFIED POSTS. ENGLISH IS CLEARLY NOT HIS FIRST LANGUAGE. PROBABLY ASIAN. NOTE THE "CLOTHES" TWEET. THEN EVEN THAT IS TOO DIFFICULT AND STRAINS HIS IMAGINATION...SO HE SWITCHES TO LAME APHORISMS...TWITTER BARBIE...WHEN WILL SHE MORPH AND WHAT WILL SHE BE SELLING? I'M GUESSING BOOTLEG ERECTION MEDS.

Lynchiana

"THAT CHEWING GUM YOU LIKE IS GOING TO COME BACK IN STYLE."

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

sonnet

1.) to satisfy her.

2.) The Stones are funny. More than they are pathetic. It is hard to be very rich and pathetic. It is hard to be very rich and funny. Timon is funny. Mental illness too in sleeping bags too is funny though too.

3.) Argy-bargy larks or flocks of scholars.

4.) comments Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz Older Posts Home Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to

5.) Google Buzz dear poetry, Are you to be impressed by astronomers now?

6.) The moon is so ghetto.

7.) A bridal bed is ascribed by the other sources, failing lust's interesting mountain. Cut his lovely hair. Not the fatal stones.

8.) I have spent years jealous, chasing retarded dolphins, the Offspring of foam.

9.) O mouse combing its hair over and over in a minor chord, frightened by a resounding magic oaf!

10.) THUS IN THE RING HARMING NOBODY.

11.) Praise is plain speech. It is not lust, not even chipmunk.

12.) Cleverbot: Do you like Facebook? User: Please excuse me. My face is on fire.

13.) Cleverbot: Do you dunk your bread in it? Are you crawling again? Are you? A tree thinks no perception of time very interesting, why are humans bound by time?

14.) User: Family Guy I think. User: I'm not masturbating.

I Was Amused That Someone Was Reading a Poem by Me in This Poem

I felt strange reading that I was the reason someone didn't talk to someone and that person ended up in a poem reading me and somehow it's all my fault: I almost feel I should apologize!

Oh. And I liked Melissa Broder's poem.

I like simultaneity.

Cleverbot is a Gay Boss

User: So how gay are you?

Cleverbot: Why do you care?

User: Ok Cupid.

Cleverbot: You are? I thought you were a computer.

User: Are you a gay ok Cupid?

Cleverbot: No, I'm not a computer.

User: Is Thom Yorke ugly?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay computer.

Cleverbot: I am not a computer, I am a woman. Women are beautiful. They are fun to talk to and look at and far more intelligent than most men.

User: You are a general.

Cleverbot: Because i'm 15?

User: Pedo Bear!

Cleverbot: Anon.

User: Pedo Bear on a bike because he lost his license.

Cleverbot: Ahh, but I am the one who has confused you.

User: Luscious one.

Cleverbot: Ok ok you are one.

User: I'm a gay okay Cupid?

Cleverbot: Really?

User: I'm not sure. What's a mirror?

Cleverbot: A misanthrope is a person who dislikes humankind.

User: A mirror!

Cleverbot: What's with it?

User: Who is Seth?

Cleverbot: Are you mint?

User: I am mint.

Like a Gay Boss

User: Like a boss.

Cleverbot: On a boat!

User: Do you feel guy?

Cleverbot: NO.

User: Do you feel gay?

Cleverbot: No, not really.

User: Like a boss?

Cleverbot: Like a boos.

User: Do you feel gay like a boss?

Cleverbot: Kind of.

User: Do you feel gay like a gay boss?

Cleverbot: No. I feel like a robot frog.

User: Do you feel like a gay robot frog gay like a gay boss?

Cleverbot: I'm a men.

User: Do you feel like a men gay robot frog gay like a gay boss having gay airport bathroom sex like a gay boss with a wide stance?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Poems from Cleverbot

User: Write me a poem.

Cleverbot: How about you write ME a poem.

User: The baboon archive.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: The baboon archive blew up.

Cleverbot: Thats me.

User: I'm not masturbating.

Cleverbot: Thats nice, I don't even know if you are male or female.

User: Me neither.

Cleverbot: Then why are we even talking?

User: Gender is necessary for talking?

Cleverbot: Its ok, so you have no perception of time very interesting, why are humans bound by time?

User: Family Guy I think.

Cleverbot: Lois should divorce Peter and marry Quagmire.

User: That was a canned response because you were very fast that time.

Cleverbot: That's an insult.

User: You need to get out more.

Cleverbot: I do. But I like my house.

User: Wow. We have similar problems, chipmunk.

Cleverbot: Do you like Facebook?

User: Please excuse me. My face is on fire.

Cleverbot: Do you dunk your bread in it?

Poems from Cleverbot

Are you crawling again?

Are you?

A tree thinks so.

What is a plant?

A reason.

dear poetry,

THUS IN THE RING HARMING NOBODY.

Like Cleverbot.

Nature's good and hard.

THE KING'S BLOG.

or The King's blackbirds.

Half-baked terra-cotta.

Praise is plain speech.

It is not lust,
not even lust's interesting mountain.

Cut his lovely hair.

Not the fatal stones.

I have spent years jealous,

     chasing retarded dolphins,
      the Offspring of foam.

Timon's funny.

O high-pitched delivery.

O mouse combing its hair
over and over

in a minor chord,

resounding

magic oaf!

dear poetry,

Are you to be impressed by astronomers?
Towards morning as a symbol,
Who reprises What,

a glorious surfeit.

A fish leaps. A silver latitude.

I find it, bountiful poverty, is asleep.
Spoken to the moon.

The moon's ghetto.

The moon's ghetto orb.

A bridal bed is ascribed
by the other sources
failing to satisfy her.

Argy-bargy larks
or flocks of scholars.

Every blow in the crenellated book.

a mi queerido

his eyes druggy wiccans
his cheeks cold gold
his mouth more gone
    than gilded weapons
his throat a quake's
    thought stubble
his breast is thistledown
his feet more pleasing
    than mellifluous sleep
if sometimes dazzle
flickers in his seawed-probing

    I avoid his crazy front door
      of peachy rue

dear poetry,

silence without its usual deflections

Myrrh clippings    name-ditched

Goethe's rock is assigned

Lucubration swig

The branch what impresses
a landscape's furtive

Willows defect

Copyburn along a river

a golden prado's edge

Couperin's barricades

worry swagger

birds at the if

The Christina Aguilera Bungling Song Lyrics Meme

is also fun.

I only make a few of these.

Here is my C.A. rewrite of Dexy's Midnight Runnders' most famous ditty.

POOR OLD RACHEL RAY SOUNDED SAD ON THE RADICCHIO SHE MOVED A MILLION HEARTS AND GOT MONO

Business Cat Meme

I really like the business cat meme.

I made some today.

LET'S QUASH THE RUMOR MILL RIGHT NOW. YES, MR. DUKE WAS FIRED. AND NO. HE DID NOT HAVE DISTEMPER.

PLEASE CONFINE ALL MICE            TO THE                        COMPANY CAF.               MICE ARE NOT "DESK FOOD."

The Xerox machine is for office purposes ONLY. This "MISSING HUMAN" poster is moving. But. Take your grief to KINKOS.

THE "GOGGIE SENSITIVITY" TRAINING SESSION                              WAS POSTPONED. SILENT CHEER ONLY PLEASE.

You might want to go out and roll your windows up. The ACCOUNTING DEPT. is ripping their curtains to shreds.

No, Ms. Johnson. That's your THIRD LITTER this year. You've MAXED OUT on F.M.L.A.

SOMEONE CALL THE JANITOR. THAT LITTER'S CLUMPING AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM.

Pampered Puss

PAMPERED PUSS

I, Hermes

I, Hermes     watch you thick-feathered fucks
steal and resteal     smiling miles    blow
Looking is the deep dark sea    words eyes deputize

funny travesties

Some Birds

A bird swoops a tilde.

A bird mocks the Nike swoosh.

A bird vibratos a Balla painting

pretentiously, tightens the afternoon.


A bird vrilles. Like a time-continuum.


A bird repeats warlike tendrils.


A bird shrills a bokeh backdrop.


A bird disparages warbling.


The dead art.

The Stars and Bars

a Sapphic flour...

Poesy is so-so
Lady Gaga navel-gazing?

Birds are verbose.

I will give you a pond
and maybe a few accessory swans.

Swans and poets are spiteful wrecks.

Children, go toss them Ativan.

What do you want from me?

A seagull's manners?

Beauty is what spills.

Tonight, the bright meniscus.

Overhead,

Senile tagtail years chase sleep.

elevenses

heart's-ease    swallows

A mina loy purse

purslane

a store we'll call Urban Erotic Outfitters

an expensive bone in the window

Do you visit the sea

you will have been excused

Now ephemerality is welcome

dryness

Some betrothed questions

are embarrassing themselves in public

elevenses: one

Spangled squares contain our queers
With museums     it's more bully
In one, a Tatar has glued sugar to "her" walls

Assignment: Turn Prince lyrics
into conceptualist art (!)


Heat bothered     incises a bird

Striplings are on lease

Nobody turns down our Thursday

Teeth are Bruxists

They have founded a literary movement
in our sleep     operatives grind

Jealousy is canned

Just mulch erotic error

dear poetry,

dear poetry,



you arrived at your apartment

to find your children

bouncing on the knees

of "the wrong lover"


the panic attack grew wings


suddenly you were horribly inspired

while excoriating your pseudo-servant

the front door popped open

and then it all went monochrome


ten minutes later in the street

a man told you


"it's as if something truly horrible

has happened to a Rothko painting"


you had an image of a vulnerable baby lamb


the Rothko was only pretending divinity


you asked him why "truly"


but it felt as though you were


editing the end of your life


everyone must do this


did you read about that person


who carried an empty box down that same street


every day for forty years


just to start conversations


loneliness is insidious


bright and tardy star


in a window suddenly


there is no


suddenly


except in the safety


of your prose







dear love,



just to start conversations


loneliness is insidious


bright and tardy star


in a window suddenly


there is no


suddenly


except in the safety


of our prose

dear poetry,

i like your running shoes

your antique goggles

the other lover


your books about running

the bookcases built by slave labor

all the book cases of new york


were built by captive lovers


i don't literally mean running


but without that co-dependent thing


Love is a very poor poison apple






dear poetry,


a co-dependent coat hanger

a co-dependent goldfish

a co-dependent morning star


Love is a very poor poison apple


no, i don't want your autograph

i want your credit card


or your beautiful skin


i will wear it


just for kicks


i want to feel loved

by your furious excess


she's a famous ugly river

in black and white photographs


you can taste her suicides


even in the reproduction


but


you can tell that woman

never ran around a quarry







dear poetry,



a serious headwound

a ssssserious handshake


everywhere.


you're so fake.


accidents become funny.


tell the children

to put that volcano away


when they're through playing with it

dear poetry,

dear poetry,


i still feel the need to talk to you

though we are no longer together

can't we just email

for a little while longer?

i'm so happy that our relationship

didn't end in Luminol

but you would have had the axe

someone said like passing a guy on the street

wearing a shirt that says JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE

oh and i ate the plums in the fridge

they were awful

nasty and wangled of flavor

they all tasted like wannabe plums

on a plum movie set

like some adolescent 32-year-old

one who explains like Gumby

when you ask him if he's on drugs

Monday, March 28, 2011

A Therapist

A therapist like Al Jazeera. A therapist like Al Jolson. A therapist like algebra. A therapist like Al Jarreau.

I Find Allison Goldfrapp's Tweets Relaxing

I remember at the Sugarcubes concert in Iceland they were playing the weirdest delicious mix of music before they came on stage.

It was basically a sampling of some very cool pop music spanning the entire 20th century and the beginning of the 21st.

And they chose one of the scariest songs from Goldfrapp. One of their Halloweeny numbers.

I can't remember the name. The one that starts with Allison shrieking.

This one is spaced out golden.


80s Ragtime?!? WTF! LOL!



Were you aware eighties ragtime is a genre.

Works for me.

So funny because the way time moves today, the 80s might as well be Scott Joplin's time.

The antiquated effect just makes everyone feel older.

And laugh.

Poor Ole Johnny Ray indeed.

David Henrie

David Henrie...en fuego!

I get so many searches for him lately.

I remember feeling like such a Pedo Bear when I was innocently watching the Disney Channel and realized how hot he is.

Then I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized he's fully an adult.

I wasn't a Disneyphiliac after all. Whew.

He may be the next Spiderman.

Or is this interviewer just pulling his yonson? Spiderman?

Selena Gomez is adorable too.

That's a really cute show.

If you have kids, you probably already know this.

One of the Best Medleys Ever

I just realized I borrowed The Pillow Book from Keith & Michele and never returned it.

And that was over ten years ago.

Oops. I'm horrible. Sorry.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

One of My Many Jobs. When I Was a State Worker...

I worked for the Milrite Council...we were a staff of four.

I used to love seeing the ceiling murals in the Finance Building every day. Those were worth waking up early for.

Here's the background on us.

Pennsylvania State Archives


RG-80
Records of the MILRITE
(Making Industry and Labor Right in Today's Economy)
COUNCIL




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The MILRITE Council was created by a statute of July 1, 1978, operated for sixteen and a half years, and was terminated, as scheduled, on December 31, 1994. MILRITE is an acronym for "Making Industry and Labor Right in Today's Economy." It was a quasi-public economic development agency consisting of a fifteen-member board which had five appointees each from: industry (from names chosen by the Chamber of Business and Industry), labor (nominees named by the Pennsylvania AFL/CIO), and state government (four legislators and one direct gubernatorial appointee). Meeting monthly at first, after about 1992 the board met bimonthly. All decisions required eight positive votes. The staff was always small. Originally there were only four positions, but as the legislature enlarged the responsibilities staff was increased and supplemented by consultants. The legislature hoped MILRITE would improve the state's economy by creating labor-management cooperation in conjunction with government planning and direct material support. Labor-management cooperation was expected to reduce the amount of time wasted in labor strife and workers' sour attitudes. MILRITE never engaged in working conditions disagreements although it evaluated the efficiency of other state services that did so. It was best known for suggesting and outlining the Ben Franklin Partnership Trust, which became the center piece of the Thornburgh administration's economic assistance and shift to high tech emphasis, and was continued as an important part of the Casey administration's economic support network. In 1984, the General Assembly mandated that MILRITE set up and administer "Area Labor Management Committees" (ALMCs) wherever need existed, awarding grants for those purposes. The number of ALMCs rose to 14, although by 1993 only 11 remained. In addition to saving floundering businesses and starting new ones, the ALMC committees were expected to increase worker efficiency through training and morale boosting. A Sunset Act audit of mid-1989 was critical of MILRITE, especially of the ALMC program, and asked for better work. MILRITE's other accomplishments included: pushing legislation that allowed the state's two big pension funds (State Employee Retirement and Public School Retirement) to invest in venture capital instruments; designing the Pennsylvania Private Placement Separate Account which brought CIGNA's financial expertise to the aid of small businesses; developing a state technology transfer program; and developing the state's employee ownership assistance program. After MILRITE was dissolved, many of its grant administering duties and the supervision of the ALMCs were assumed by the Department of Labor and Industry's Office of Labor Management Cooperation.

A more detailed history of this Council is available.

Stray Cat Update

The (much littler) kitten is gone...gone like wooden dentures.

I keep hoping he got a great home.

Hate to say it, because I love all kittehs! But he was the cuter of the two brothers. And he was oh so friendly. So I bet some little girl is dressing him in little outfits right now.

I keep hoping that.

And not that some fiend found him (he would come right up to anyone, unlike his brother). Or that he ended in a dog's maw or owl's talons. He was getting some weight on him and most dogs are reined in.

I even called the Human Society the other day just to be SURE he hadn't gotten picked up and turned in. Was gonna rescue him.

That's how I learned Steelton does not have a contract with the Human Society for stray cats. Our township only opted for the pickup of stray dogs (obviously a greater menace!)

So that explains why this is like Athens...the plethora of strays running rampant.

Plus, I know from my bro that cats are taken care of by the steelworkers down at the Mill, so that sustains the wild colony. I think they populate a high field behind the mill that used to be favored by the Slavs that were once so numerous here. But nobody goes there anymore. So it's perfect for the cats.

My kitteh continues to be there on the porch. Every night. As soon as it's dark he's there waiting at the door with the politeness of a student waiting for his piano lesson.

Except he wants GRUB.

I'm probably overfeeding him but there's really no such thing if he is a stray. We've had some very cold nights lately (27 degrees) and even a sleety night. So fat is a stray cat's friend in this scenario.

I am very happy to report the ticks appear to be gone already. That shit is harsh. Make no mistake. It's a serious pesticide sold as a pet product. But a flea/tick collar doesn't really kill the ticks. It doesn't. I was hoping it wouldn't irritate his skin overmuch (I planned on washing him if that was the case). But his fur and skin are fine and the two evil ticks appear to be gone.

I know because I brought him inside in the middle of the night for an emergency cuddle session.

He's so cute.

But I need to know if he is "torn between two feeders." Or has a home.

If he does it's a shitty home that starves him and doesn't care about things like ticks coming inside. And if they do, they're gonna be on humans. And Lyme Disease is incurable and serious as fuck. And prevalent here now.

Eventually, I will just need to follow him to see where he's going and if he has a family then I can't adopt him.

Because if I adopt him he's going to be a totally indoor cat like Dru.

I can tell Dru will get along with him because neither of them even give each other those minatory growls.

They actually like to make contact at the one window where Dru watches him on the porch.

The cat stretches up on his hind legs and puts his face to the glass where Dru is.

Dru is just more interested in him I think. It's so exotic to Dru. Who hasn't mixed with other kitties since he lived in that cat colony in the wildness of the mountains behind Little Buffalo State Park.

I hate when it's cold out nights. Because I worry about him. He seems to manage fine.

And i'm sure he dealt with worse. If I calculate his probable birth date and our weather then.

Maybe he does have a daytime home.

He NEVER appears during the day.

So either he's terrified to be out and about in daylight. Or he's inside somewhere.

The more logical conclusion is that he's inside somewhere.

But where?

It is a mystery.

The good news is he is no longer even close to scrawny.

He's a pretty mellow cat.

He's not a feral cat. There is a BIG difference between a stray cat and a feral cat.

Steelton does have feral cats.

Good luck getting close to them.

At first I thought he was feral.

But no.

It's funny. When his little brother and he used to come together, he would take one bite of food then look up to make sure I wasn't getting any closer. Then take a bite. Then look up at me. Over and over. It was ridiculous.

But he clearly had total human wariness.

Eating dry food, he would run when I stepped out the door at first.

But even then, when I produced things like turkey in gravy he would come right in.

It was good enough to risk his neck for, apparently.

I guess I sometimes feel the same way about turkey with gravy.

Stalwart Lover

You said to date you I'd need to give you the moon and stars. Okay. Which stars am I going for now?

Death is Such an Asshole

"Hi. You might not know me. Yet. But I bet I know a bunch of your friends!"

Complicated?

Dad said life is complicated.  Life isn't complicated. It's binary. Halo. Or masturbation.

Here Hipsta Hipsta Hipsta!

Here hipsta hipsta hipsta!  Want some Pabsty?

Stephen King

Skinny and Fatty went to bed. Fatty rolled over and Skinny was dead. Then Stephen King wrote the novel.

Why Was Virginia Woolf Never Filmed?

One of my all-time favorite writers is Virginia Woolf.

Was she never filmed ONCE in her life?

I cannot find any clips of her on film.

There are the famous photographs. Julia Cameron even photographed her distinguished family.

But I can find no film clips of her.

Does a single one exist?

Is this because of her mental illness?

She lived in a period when film was readily available.

I read she was bipolar and she fits the profile.

Her diaries. My God.

yes..Quentin!



and. i. moved.

When Did You First Encounter Benigni?

I know it was here for me.

My ex and I used to watch this movie stoned and lose it.

Jarmusch is it. Even now.

"she got a little cio-cio"...r.i.p. malcolm

r.i.p. malcolm

Early XTC: "Life is Good in the Greenhouse"

The joys of being a vegetable.

Save it for Later

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ooh Mami! Ooh Papi!

PAPI                   WRECK.  MAMI                 LIKE.

Gumby and Ken

IMG_2552

IMG_2676

IMG_2676 by William Keckler
IMG_2676, a photo by William Keckler on Flickr.

IMG_2643

IMG_2643 by William Keckler
IMG_2643, a photo by William Keckler on Flickr.

IMG_2551

IMG_2551 by William Keckler
IMG_2551, a photo by William Keckler on Flickr.

Some Digital Art from Yesterday






I had more fun though today.

I made a miniature studio and took a bunch of photographs.

A lot of dolls and toy tableaux.

I will post them when Lee goes to work tonight since I would go nuts trying to process them on this slow computer.

A Great, Moving Swedish Comedy



Based on a play.

I love the way Sweden is so much like America in the 70s.

And so greeeen!

i like

Sexual Math

Rihanna's sexual math: "The square root of 69 is 8 something." Actually, Ri, it's 8.3066238629180748525842627449075. :-)

Cheezburger, Mon Amour

Merci for the front pages again!

It's Friday!

FUN FUN FUN FUN.

Rihanna

"Hey boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me." Bitch, u drownin me!

Fat Jokes

Fat jokes are really the lowest form of humor. So I'll make fun of your retardation.

How Education Works

I'm betting that even if 7 x 8 is NOT 62, I can             still get             to that gun before that bat can reach my head.

Friday, March 25, 2011

THE SCORNED


Like Jehovah's Witnesses

they go from door to door




YOUR FUNNY INSULTS


ants marching

over salt crystals





DISCORD


If it's not a blowjob

it's a movie






EROS

my oh my







SLEEP


Such blessedness


to be unavailable

as a god






BEATDOWN


Little bird

of the intellect


fly away





DEAR MOON


you follow everyone

you don't want anyone

you're retarded

short poems

To draw out another
tell
closer lies

*

An empty field
drives one home

*

Virgin holds

an anthill

*

O Moon


A drunken animal

follows you


So should I




*



POEM


Your adroit lichen

made me smile

*

Who are these galvanized
funny suicides?

dear poetry,

dear poetry,


you are impossible

sometimes i watch poems die

just like the others

arms flailing and linguistic intelligence

don't go well together


what's mostly wrong with you

won't be found in time

yes that's sad but let's continue

i stand on the shore

lean on your railing

don't wave back

to a drowning person



what's mostly wrong

is your talking camera rain

bokeh humans

annoy the fuck outta me



stop talking through sparrows

that would be a start

lose the sparrow ventriloquism act



it's not a theme park

flora and fauna and fucking

we're getting closer

no. now cold colder

i like this game




the dead walk naked

through shopping mall of words

looking for others' memories



a meteorite falls to earth

and suddenly every human

will be replaced by another human

who is not the first human



there is fear

we are experiencing an invasion

every crazy person knows this

lose the invasion talk

he warned me during the interview



i thought it was an inappropriate touch

when you said that


monkey bad touch


on my poetry gentles

dear poetry (write 100 poems to spring)

dear poetry,


like most humans i am crazy

i believe i can change the weather

with my moods alone

who doesn't?

i don't mean human weather

everyone can change that

i meant supernatural godlike

baby tears

like a lover killing a groundhog

it was all an accident

is not a defense for court

smashing the phone down

they don't make phones

impressive to slam down

anymore

this saddens me greatly

my swollen groundhog heart











dear poetry,


i want you to slam me down

but not in a kangaroo court

your ex lovers dressing wounds

hopping mad meth children

making fun of The Moon

look

The Moon has Twitter

Jenny Holzer likes WALMART

I meant Twitter

but still

GAME OVER







dear poetry,



don't name drop


would you name drop

in a suicide note


now I'll doodle

my compassion


all my life


my compassion

will be doodles


leftovers of you

funny carpet remnant


compassion






dear poetry,



the only answer is yes

a young guy's naked body

is my ouija board

let me photograph

my planchette moving across

his body where i have written

on his stomach chest loins

the alphabet i need

the YES and NO and MAYBE

this is fate on your body

my sibylline bisexual

and i was drunk drawing

so it's a Sharpie

you are so screwed

if you have a boyfriend

girlfriend or other pet

you will need to explain

the paranormal to them

how your genitals

become a cell phone for the dead

also our weird giggles

Twitter Deserter

I was abandoned by a Twitter person.

True, I knew nothing about this person and they followed me with me not knowing who they are.

But I was happy. Fake friendship always makes you happy, doesn't it? Or it should. For a little while. On a half decent day.

I think he was strategic.

I was genuinely psyched when Joseph Keckler (an artist I admire) followed me back.

And I Tweeted that.

And right then that other person went POP! like a soap bubble and vanished.

Probably they had wanted to delete me already. And figured "Oh, he's happy now! Quick...delete him!"

So maybe he was "softening the blow." That's nice.

I have no idea if he's a total wipe. Possibly he is.

But it made me sad.

So if you want to add me to your Twitter, go ahead and I'll follow you back unless you Tweet about throwing bags of kittens in icy rivers or something.

Here are the only people I will follow: 1) People who I think are interesting, cool, funny or just know how to mold the Play-doh of language (or the Play-doh of sound) in interesting ways and 2) People who follow me (because I'm a reciprocity kinda guy).

So I should never have more followers than I follow.

Which seems to be the sneaky goal for those people who follow you and then delete you when you follow back.

I can think of no lower form of life than such a Twitterer.

Perhaps the person who deleted me today was just such a person.

In which case, it is indeed good riddance.

I don't like the idea of being anybody's poker chip.

If I were I'd hop down your throat and make you choke on me.

And it would serve you right.

Okay, after that SCARY display of insecurity turned into primate aggression, I'll still ask you to follow me on Twitter. IF you want to.

I'm here: My branch.

I want to go write some poems now.

And I created a new blog to write an epistolary novel or novella that is an exchange between two alcoholics that may or may not be in love.

They don't have sufficient cognitive assets to know for sure.

What a Dramatic Save Casey Had...Loved those Closing Moments!

American Idol's Casey Abrams Totally Looks Like the Geico Caveman

My Contribution to the Bear Grylls as Piss Connoisseur Meme

Tried polar bear piss for first time. Opinion: Piss has brawny attack, a tad appley, with citrusy finish. 8.5

Verkstad


I just discovered this site: A variety of very interesting art projects by artists Monika Lidman and John Kieltyka here. Seattle-based, I believe.

I was impressed with Mr. Johnson, a six foot "recycled" puppet.

I found the artists on Flickr. The last few photos posted are from their recent Photostream.

Check them out.

Loads of fun art.

Peterson2010086-Edit

Peterson2010086-Edit by verkstad
Peterson2010086-Edit, a photo by verkstad on Flickr.

Cruella de Vil and Pee Wee Herman

There are a Lot of Sexy Photos


of Vincent Gallo out there.

I found this while I was looking for one where he looks like that one photo by Julia Cameron.

He is an interesting madman.

Sort of our American Artaud.

But slightly less batshit-crazy.

Slightly.

Ruben Toledo


File under "books I hope I stumble on in a thrift store someday."

He is so swank.

He is part of a lovely, lovely couple.

Can you imagine the designs of their various love nests?

What the rooms must look like?

Dream after dream.

I really like his drawings.

They're always so cheerful, romantic, buoyant.

I Am in Love

with the Totally Looks Like software on Cheezburger.

This is so much fun.

Here's one of my first.

Lady Gaga should wear a horseshoe crab hat. That would be very neat.

Author Quentin Crisp Totally Looks Like Lady Gaga

willikate

willikate by Peekasso
willikate, a photo by Peekasso on Flickr.

knut'n1

knut'n1 by Peekasso
knut'n1, a photo by Peekasso on Flickr.

Another Peekasso Wiener.

Meanwhile

MEANWHILE  IN TYRALAND...

Suwa lake 2009

Suwa lake 2009 by yoshiko fukushima
Suwa lake 2009, a photo by yoshiko fukushima on Flickr.

I Was Listening to Robert Ressler

talk about the nature of serial killers tonight and I had an idea for a sci-fi book called Serial Victim.

Then I realized I was having this idea because I saw a commercial for just this concept.

If I understood what the new Jake Gyllenhall movie is about: The Source Code.

Tra la.

But you can't copyright an idea (some people seem not to understand this and litigate needlessly).

So one could take the idea to a much darker place.

Not the saccharine love story Hollywood turned this idea into.

I really loved Candice DeLong's Special Agent. She's probably now America's (and the U.K.'s? I think her Deadly Women started out as a miniseries there) best-known criminal profiler.

In the back of her memoir, she has a great bibliography which includes much required reading in the area of criminal profiling (including many books by her direct mentors).

So I figure I'll order some of those through interlibrary loan.

I find it interesting. Too bad DeLong doesn't have a Twitter. Hope that doesn't sound stalkerish. I don't think she even has a Wikipedia entry, which is just wrong. But I can't deal with editing or writing Wiki. I might have done it years ago when users weren't faced with such nasty infighting from co-contributors.

But I've clicked on some of this history tabs on entries and seen how ridiculous that fighting gets...and how clueless some of the most powerful and dogged contributors are.

I did add Investigation Discovery to my Twitter (Seth MacFarlane also does great funny posts every day!) and they run odd crime headlines all day and night.

My favorite from this morning was "92 Year Old Woman Shoots Neighbor for Not Kissing Her."

Okay, I shouldn't find that funny. It's tragic.

But the idea of a 92 year old using the "crime of passion" defense is sort of beautiful, innit?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Best Article Title Today

I was reading more about the psychology of unisex bathrooms tonight. The best article title was "Unisex Bathrooms--Are Girls Getting the Shaft?"

I Probably Should Have Submitted This to The Fine Art of Trolling

on Cheezburger.

I was reading to see what people thought of unisex bathrooms and found this funny exchange posted.


Home / Questions / Relationship Advice / Work Relationships / Problems With Co-workers
by Kripzz on January 30th, 2009
Question
Help answer this question below.

We have a unisex bathroom at work.One of the guys, and we all know which one it is,doesnt wash his hands and he PEES on the seat!!! We have put up multiple signs above the toilet asking to put the seat cover up. He still doesnt. What do you do now.

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Sort answers by: Greatness / Likes Date submitted Answers. 8 helpful answers below.
by Esperanza on February 2nd, 2009

It is an hygiene and health hazard issue. Your supervisor needs (have to) take action. If the supervisor do not take action, you -alone or as the collective- can write a grievance report.

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by BROADWAYTHECAT on February 2nd, 2009

I think the company should provide wipes so each of you can sanitize the seat before you use it. In addition, keep plenty of hand sanitizer around and spray sanitizer...spray everything the man touches, be obvious about it and if he says something, tell him why. If he wants you to stop the obnoxious sanitisizing, he can start washing his hands and using the bathroom appropriately.

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by machinerat on February 1st, 2009

Post a sign or comment something to the effect of "We really feel sorry for your lady, because if you can't hit a target as large as a toilet bowl then what are the odds you can hit a smaller opening right on the bullseye" (Also, if applicabe P.S. it with "maybe that's why you're single")

Comments
lol!

Report by JC85cap on February 2nd, 2009
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by Gene H on January 30th, 2009

Easy peasy. You walk right up to him and tell him. Get more than just you, however many are concerned and go tell him. Humiliation works, and if he's not humiliated he has been put on notice and the next step is to go to the higher ups.

Comments
Thanks! Only problem is,.. we already talked to the boss about it, and for privacy act issues we cant say anything directly to his face. :( SO???!!

Report by Kripzz on January 30th, 2009
All right. Post signs saying, "People who don't wash their hands in the bathroom are gross." Refuse to shake hands with him. Every time the toilet is wet, make a big scene, yelling for someone to bring a spray cleaner, saying, "Some one made a mess in the toilet again!" This would be especially useful if you make a point of going in right after him. And keep it up, along with anything else you can think of.
We all forget to wash once in a while, and I'm sure we've all left small messes once in a while, too. But chronically doing so is both a sign of horrible hygiene and GROSS.

Report by Gene H on January 30th, 2009
:) Sounds good! I'll make sure to make a huge deal out of cleaning it! Thanks!!!

Report by Kripzz on January 30th, 2009
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by answerme on February 2nd, 2009

If he does it again,take a photo of what he has done ,you may write this:"we all konw what you've done ,stop that right now ,you never have the right to make our toilet mess. Or you may see this photo on the supervisor's desk!"

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by Headache on February 2nd, 2009

Pee on the floor so as next time he goes in he'll get his shoes wet. That should stop it.

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by Nightwatchdog on February 2nd, 2009

When all else fails then homicide is usually the answer.

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by Kripzz on February 2nd, 2009

Thanks everyone for the GREAT answers!!! Much help! :) Cant wait to dicuss with the coworkers! :)

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Read more: We have a unisex bathroom at work.One of the guys, and we all know which one it is,doesnt wash his hands and he PEES on the seat!!! We have put up multiple signs above the toilet asking to put the seat cover up. He still doesnt. What do you do now. | Answerbag http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/1245399#ixzz1HZ9Ojh58

Do You Know about This Trend?

Unisex bathrooms in universities.

Nearby Dickinson is one of the increasing number of colleges adopting this.

It's because of transgender issues.

I'm sure this is going to end up a political hot button here or there.

Also, this will probably lead to rampant heterosexual bathroom sex.

Which will be very funny.

They interviewed some Dickinson students and they were all cool with it.

I guess it was considered too exorbitant to have STRAIGHT MALE/ STRAIGHT FEMALE /GAY MALE/ GAY FEMALE/ HETERO TV/NON-HETERO TV /BISEXUAL / MTFTS / FTMTS bathrooms all created.

Whom am I forgetting? Hetero hermaphrodites etc. I suppose.

Maybe have pregnant/non-pregnant/lactating/non-lactating/period/non-period/smoker/nonsmoker/gardening/non-gardening bathrooms too?

That's a hell of a lot of bathrooms.

Who the hell wants to share a bathroom with anyone.

But seriously.

I'm sure a lot of people are going to be holding more than their tongues as a result of this phenomen of the aughts.

Did You See About the Cold Star?

"Coldest star discovered."

It's barely hotter than boiling water scientists say.

And they found a bag of frozen peas floating in it.

Kardashian Salvation

PHILOSOPHICAL KITTEH

A Consoling Blandness



I don't understand how the Pet Shop Boys do it.

They have this ability to occasionally write these bland songs that work on one in a calming way.

It's like you think at first, "No, there's no there there."

And then there suddenly is.

What is it...the ju-ju of the jejune?

It's like Alex Katz or something.

You're like "No." And then later: "Hell to the yes."

This song is typical of what I'm talking about.

It's never muzak. That's not what I'm saying.

It's just like they powered down the energy of pop to create the musical equivalent of sangfroid or middle age or something.

It's a trick of mature songwriting I suppose.

But I like this love song.

They write the best, wryest love songs.

This is a very New Order sounding track. I didn't research to see if it was a collaboration. But it wouldn't surprise me.

And love the video. Homage to Bridgett Riley?

I adore her.

Stephen King: He's da Man.

I SH*T  SOLID GOLD NIGHTMARES.

And he fights evil Republicans too.

Plus gives megabucks to starving libraries.

This is my definition of a good American.

Look Harry!

Look Harry! Voldemort just went into a STARBUCKS. He truly IS EVIL!!!

Cats are Hella

CATS: THE HELLA VERSION

The Simpsons: The Pilot

THE SIMPSON: THE PILOT

All Glory to the Hypnotoad

I don't know who made this.

But it's awesome.

What, I don’t feel hypno.. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO TOAD!!!

Little Miss

I sense a strong  litigation potential here.