TAKING YOUR CAT OUT IN THE CAR WITH YOU
This is something I have only ever seen white people do throughout my entire life.
Really stupid people.
Really white people.
Cats were not meant to go in cars.
Only dogs were.
Cats and cars go together as well as hernias and coughing.
Ha...when I was a kid, we used to eat at my grandmother's house at least once a week, and every time we went to visit we brought the cat. No idea why they thought that was a good idea. Fluffy and Etoile (Granny's cat) weren't exactly friendly toward each other.
ReplyDeleteLaughing.
ReplyDeleteAnd you said "Ha!" too.
That's thing # thirty whatever.
Oh, and Etoile is a pretty French name for a cat.
ReplyDeleteIf I chose a French name for my most recent adoptee, it would probably be Etouffe.
I read every item on your list of things that make people whiter, and they're all gems. Several surprises along the way, yet once you pointed them out, they seemed obvious.
ReplyDeleteI have also been known to say "all righty."
ReplyDeleteMy aunt had taken French in college; she was inspired by Etoile's beautiful eyes.
Etouffe sounds like a fat cat!
Amy, I fell asleep. I keep such odd hours. I am mom's son.
ReplyDeleteIl m'etouffe.
reduced to simply "suffocates (me)."
Because he does.
He loves getting on my chest and making it nearly impossible to breathe.
And he is getting fat.
I'm a bad parent. Food = love.
Il m'etouffe==he suffocates me*
ReplyDeletesoz
Craig,
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Apparently, someone's done this sort of thing before me (probably man).
Amy hit the nail on the head when she mentioned one of them.
So I went to Amazon and read only the first few reviews and the precis for the book.
Oh well.
He talks a lot about everything and he wants to be more of a wit like David Sedaris or something.
We might overlap but I wouldn't have known it beforehand since I didn't read his book.
And I'm sure our comments are different.
Mine is aiming to be much more deliberately ghetto (the way I often am anyway).
I don't think I'll add things like "Magnum condoms" to his list.
He probably doesn't think of that as making someone whiter. But I do.
If he has lolcats on his list, though, I am killing myself.
I love lolcats to death (as if you didn't know) but I've been there a year and I have yet to see a black person, though I know they simply must be there. I remember someone from South Africa getting the Kitteh front page recently, but I'm fairly sure she was white.
(A lot of people don't put their real photo in their profile there, say just an avatar, so I could have tons of black, Asian, blasian, Latin, etc. friends there and just not know it.)
I know the site isn't prejudiced or doing anything to turn off non-white people so I can only assume this is just a white person thang. Probably Memebase is more everyone. I think it's just the lolcats that make white folks go crazy. Like the Kentucky Derby.
So I can only assume LOLcats make you whiter or turn you white completely.
Q.E.D.
lol
Q.E.D. LOL sounds like a book title by you wherein you create egregious logic scenarios that seem true "on paper" but are patently ridiculous.
;-)
Our Romeo was a fat cat. I thought he might be getting a tumor in his oddly-bulging tummy, but it turns out that was just his gut. Diagnosis: "morbidly obese." (Sad to say that became his nickname for a while, poor baby.) Not sure why I needed the vet to tell me what the problem was...he had fat rolls around his neck and the base of his tail for crying out loud.
ReplyDeletePrescription: scheduled, measured feedings. He got used to it sooner than I expected. Lost four pounds in six months, and two more pounds in the next six months. My previous cats had all done OK with the food bowls out 24/7, but I learned that's not always a good idea.
I just read the list--at least 25% of them apply to me. (My "Ha" was completely spontaneous.)
ReplyDeleteI have a suggestion--finding Native Americans in your family tree and telling everyone about it. Especially claiming to have an "Indian Princess" as an ancestor. (BTW, I've read that "Native Americans" tend to prefer the term "American Indian.")
I did some genealogical research last year and learned that I'm only about 90% white (the 10% is a mix of American Indian and African ancestry), so there--I'm guilty of this one in advance!
I will definitely add something along those lines of your suggestion based around Ancestry.com. Which is definitely more a white person thing. They even did that one "uncomfortable" commercial where a black man talked about not wanting to research is roots because they might end up looking like...well...Roots (Haley novel). But they did put a good spin on that ("....was born a slave but died a businessman.")
ReplyDeletePoor kitteh. I'm experimenting with limiting feeding times instead of having an open buffet all day, all night like a freakin cruise ship and so far he's doing well with it.
I give him little treats (Crunch n Clean...the dental snacks) in between to give him a "reason to live." lol
I do hope you eventually abbreviated out "Morbidly Obeses's" name so he became simply "Mo." (Prounounced like "Moe").
;-)
Oh...and I'm glad I have another black friend.
ReplyDeleteEven if you'll need papers to prove it.