Tuesday, January 31, 2012

i woke up

i woke up and the house is too quiet. whenever the house is too quiet, i think there's a murderer in it somewhere. i turn all the corners carefully. usually dru is posted like a sphinx somewhere with his eye on my door waiting for me to wake up. he's reclaimed my third floor study for the winter, since it's too cold up there and i refuse to lug the space heater up all those steps. i do miss the view of the susquehanna river and the cityscape that lights up so pretty in winter when the trees allow me a view of our little twinkling capital.

the trees blow and the lights shake and the eyes mistakenly think they're blurry. maybe it's your eyelashes.

i don't know what to do with this day. this night. i finished reading a book in the bathtub this morning. it applied a poultice to the world in a way that was false and pleasant. as most successful novels do.

i suppose i should just start with sugar and go from there. i think half of my alcoholism was my craving for sugar. i wish i had a thrift store or a dollar store within walking distance. instead i have a ridiculously overpriced pharmacy/store, bars, a liquor store, and an assortment of weirdly formed little restaurants and specialty shops that mostly close by the time i wake up (the latter).

i could go look at trees and houses, i suppose, but i would need my camera to do that and not look like some crazy derelict--to have a raison d'etre to be on the streets of this small town.

i really should call Steelton a village. it was a town when the steel mill was so active, so far back in the last century. now that the mill has shrunk down to nothing and most of its buildings lie in rusty desuetude, this feels much more like a village again.

it was once the Village of Baldwin.

and, like daffyd, i feel like the "only gay in the village."

when Lee's at work as now.

i'm sure at least one of my cats will shortly do something vile and disgusting and that should give me busy work.

or i'll start wondering about looking this or that up and my houseparent Google will take over.

i am a strange child being raised by search engines.

a strange child whose hair is gray.

now i'm going to go eat a miniature mounds bar and the world will suddenly seem brighter.

sugar makes the world brighter.

i think sugar makes the world brighter than sex.

sugar is like a star you put inside your body. like sex when you're younger. like art.

oh the different forms of combustion. COLLECT THEM ALL.

i must be truly old.

sing "at last" by etta or someone here.

cyndi lauper.

to fall asleep and wake up two hundred years older.

the addict's usual fate.

all addicts are rip van winkle.


  1. Paul Dinello's ManserventJanuary 31, 2012 at 5:39 PM

    I enjoyed all of this, but my favorite line is: "oh the different forms of combustion. COLLECT THEM ALL." :-D

    Funny that you mentioned a space heater. This is the year that my space heater earned a special place in my heart.

    And views of the twinkling cityscape -- also important for me this year.

    And I was thinking about "the only gay in the village" yesterday. Gotta love synchronicity.

  2. Craig, lol. I shouldn't have mentioned being bored.

    See post above. Satan suddenly decided to entertain me.

    This house has been poltergeist-free (as far as Lee or I have seen) since the night I almost walked into an ectoplasmic man walking out the front door.

    It was the strangest thing on the phone a few hours ago lol.

    And then my counter clicked in at 666 visitors (one at upper left).

    Busy with traffic today. Somebody must have rerun a docu on the McStay family.

    Do be careful in your current state.

    Every other show on ID is people being (often randomly) murdered in Florida.

    Last night's Disappeared was another Floridian. And there was a serial killer (not responsible) living a few doors down from her.

    I know this sounds irrational but I do see Florida as the "perfect storm" of crime.

    A high caliber security system is a must.

    Oh, and a gun.

    And an abbatis (sp?) at the end of the yard.

    A moat wouldn't be a bad investment (with gators or imported crocs).

    Also, a portculis, Portuclises are good.

    And ramparts are rarely a waster of money.

    Crenellations make good spots to shoot arrows from.

    Oh, did I already mention Claymore mines? How about some good old fashioned pitfalls covered with dried grasses?

    Lastly, you guys might want to pick up a decommissioned Howitzer.

    They're wonderful.

    And the ones with the 360 degree swivel.

    Because death can come from any direction.

    Especially in Florida.

    A Valuejet once fell to earth there too.

    I kid you not.