If

If you can live your life like the Buddha or Hello Kitty you can probably get out of here without murdering anyone. What are the odds of that happening? Seriously. I only looked at a few of your sentences and I already know it probably isn't possible.

If you can stop living in the past you could become a monster like the other monsters and feign mentally well. If you can stop living in the past you can stop if you can stop you can feign mentally well. And could be a successful monster. You could spend all your time shopping and commit suicide much more gracefully. Graciously. Gracefully.

If you heart is acting funny it's probably because you are taking all those pills. If you are taking all those pills it's probably because your brain is acting funny. If you repeat yourself too much you must be a writer.

If you are not okay with death you will be not okay with people. Or maybe it's the other way around. If you like to kill people in very small ways you are probably dying in very small ways. Everybody can see through your suicide like Thai glass noodles.

If you take a stranger's body into you in the middle of the night, you may experience a weird sort of beauty that is about our basic connectedness and panic in the death trip and the unbelievable good fortune that the universe has fashioned our bodies so that they have blissful openings where to risk disease is to know everything at once and not to care, which is the only love worth having. The distinction between you and yours is a not insignificant one.

If your one gift is getting under people's skin, still I say good for you. There are a lot of good things under people's skin. If this makes you guilty suicidal just consider it part of the process. Eventually you will be all process and no longer person. Does this make you sad? Why can't you just be like a duck trailing the heavens behind its ass. Not giving a shit. You must have this superiority complex where you don't want to be a part of nature. Because it's only by being as woefully mistaken as nature that you are ever going to get back to feeling again. Somewhere you must have crossed a bridge of fucked-up misunderstanding and liked the feeling. It comforts me greatly when people tell me about a messed up love or sorta love relationship that now feels to them as though they had been swallowing goldfish to try to break a goldfish swallowing record.