if

If someone is too full of sadness and you drown that person like a bag of kittens in your mind, I think that's okay.

If the meteorite had missed the earth and the dinosaurs had continued to rule the earth, wouldn't you feel silly for missing your dinner tonight?

If neither matter nor energy is created or destroyed, how come so many people murder their exes over the opposite of this idea?

If you read the Collected Works of Franz Kafka only in elevators, a little bit at a time, it will take you years but you will probably appreciate his writing at a much deeper level.

If everything is deep then nothing is.

If you say Franz Kafka instead of Kafka, probably you are deeply disturbed. But in a nice sort of way that means I would probably feel safe around you. Safer than I feel around most people.

If you try hard enough to get to the origins of punctuation, you can probably find forms of behavior in chimps that correspond to our human period, our human comma, our human question mark and even our human semicolon.

If this is the evolutionary noose, even if it is, and I am playing with the evolutionary noose, sometimes I just want to twirl it like a lasso and watch the evolutionary noose dance in circles like a whirling dervish, even though I know ultimately everyone hates whirling dervishes--and really, who can blame them?