Premature Obituary for My Cat

(January, 12, 2011).

Malkin Why Keckler, in the 13th Month of His Age, went to join his
Perverse Maker on January 11, 2012, with his indentured human servants and one sworn-to-the-death feline enemy by his side. His ninth spirit exited the troposphere and all associated spheres from a point directly above Steelton, Pennsylvania (a borough formerly known as The Steel Works and more formerly known as the Village of Baldwin.)

A memorial service will be held Friday at Ratcatcher's Alley behind the Steel Mill in Olde Steelton and is expected to be attended by a few thousand of his close personal friends.

He was born on January 3, 2010 in Lesser Porch-by-Greater Porch-Sur Cauchemar to Cedric Graymalkin Why and Phoebe Partout. His father was a Prospector in the Yukon. His mother came up from Juneau as a Gadabout. His parents moved to Washington in 1996 under suspicious circumstances.

Malkin spent (one) summer at his grandparents' in remote areas of the wilderness. He graduated from Worthington Paws in 2011. He attended college at the University of Fine Distractions, where he met and took up residence with William Keckler. After graduation, they returned to Steelton-sur-Cauchemar. Mr. Keckler was a homemaker while his cat was a dustbunnyologist.

Malkin Why Keckler was an active member of the Brighton Presbyterian Church, belonged to the Arboretum Foundation garden club and worked with various charities, including C.E.D.R. ("Cats for the Ethical Dispatching of Rodents").

His hobbies included making assurance triply sure, looking a gift horse repeatedly in the mouth, baiting the guillible and gawking. He devoted much of his time and energy as a caregiver to family members, including his charge William and his sworn-enemy-to-the-death Druid Bel Gerver.

Mr. M.W. Keckler is survived by 74 brothers and sisters, 1,894 nephews, 3,771 grand-nephews, and so on. He leaves no direct bloodline but several stains in other bodily humors.

He was preceded in death by many but matched by none.

Donations may be sent to A.E.T.P.-T.A.P.) (Animals for the Ethical Treatment of People--To a Point).

Burial will be in Pere-Lachaise (Steelton).