Monday, January 30, 2012

YouTube is Sapping My Will to Live

I wish I wouldn't have made a bet with Lee the other night. I suddenly said out of my television mind, apropos of some piece of shit movie or show we were watching, "I bet there are like ten thousand more YouTube videos of snakes eating mammals and other reptiles eating mammals than all the musicals and art and other gestures of compassion and empathy and all that good shit."

Something like that anyway.

And even just looking for pretty clips of koi the other night, I stumbled upon the arrowana clips.

Arrowanas eating live mice swimming for their lives at the surface of a large aquarium, rabbits being eating by arrowanas, ducks.

Posters claiming a blood rabbit baby was "killed by a cat" or "run over by a lawnmower" when you can smell bloody murder.

These things usually have at least 100,000 views or more.

I deliberately labeled one of my videos one time "Shark Eating Cat." It's my cat Dru wearing a foam shark mask so it looks as though he's being eaten by a very fake shark. I'm very proud of all the dislikes which outweigh the likes. Fuck you for even looking for that.

Today somehow I ended up on a video of Chinese torture clips--eight minutes of beheadings and the death of a thousand cuts. Stills mostly but often mass beheadings with the heads lying next to the bodies. I watched the whole fucking thing and only THEN clicked dislike.

I don't know why I watched it all. Stomach test?

It really made me hate humanity and feel totally hopeless for about an hour.

It did put my own problems in perspective, if that counts for anything. But it also gave me a death wish (not a fully sincere one).

And I thought are we going to be able to avoid chaos like this as the population increases in proportion to our resources? Because many times that was China's problem--and that resulted in the sense that life was cheap and there were no second chances to be given.

But then they ate babies too. Into the twentieth century. China. That was mostly starvation but some of it probably came out of their hideous infanticide.

A lot of the executions were because of Maoism and earlier inflexible ideologies. So nothing to do with starvation.

What got me started down this dark trail was seeing an image by chance on the net of a woman buried up to her chest. This was somewhere in the Middle East. I guessed maybe Pakistan.

So I ended up reading about horrible atrocities committed against women. I already knew about the "honor killings" (horrible name for something despicable beyond words).

I don't know if it's only the Sharia side of Islam that does these horrible things. One clip was a beautiful young woman being stoned to death in a city street that CNN aired in 2007. She was probably nineteen years old. It made me sick to my stomach.

And there were just hundreds of clips like this. Five women buried alive in Pakistan.

No wonder Houllebecq went after fundamentalist Islam with both fists in some of his books. He called it one of the most worrisome elements in the world today.

And then many intellectuals vilified him as being careless. Or whatever adjective they used.

I was always divided on our militant insertions into Iraq and Afghanistan, but part of me realized that because of all that horror many would have greater chances at freedom and survival.

Being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century is now the norm rather than the exception.

Seeing the domino effect of all these revolutions in that part of the world is a cheering thing.

I think if my head was open to everything that was happening in the world on any given day it would probably explode.

Not that you can't find pictures of heads exploding if you go to YouTube.

There are probably a shitload.

Once I watched that one horrible video YouTube instantly begin throwing up tiny inset pics of things like guys whose heads had been run over by tanks.

Thanks a lot.


  1. Wish I could bring you a fuzzy blanket, a cup of tea, and something sweet to eat.

    Almost any silly, sick, or twisted thing you're interested in, you can find it on YouTube. Comedian Patton Oswalt did a funny stand-up bit about how it made him feel like an emperor, commanding YouTube to deliver whatever sort of amusement he wished. Then he clapped his hands and shouted, "Bring me a farting panda!"

    There are a boatload of Sharia execution videos out there. People executed for witchcraft, heresy, adultery, homosexuality. Some of them are worse than stonings.

    The worst videos are not on YouTube.

    Also out there are videos of psychopathic killers recording their crimes for posterity, and military groups doing the same. The soldiers in that one video from Chechnya--each one looked young enough to be my son.

    Not that I've seen very many of those videos. I guess I want to really know what people are capable of. (At least that's what I tell myself, that I don't have a more prurient sort of interest.)

    On a far happier note--I'd never heard of an arowana. Yay, I learned a new word!

    Whenever I use a word the kiddo hasn't heard before, he sings out, "Ding ding ding! Word of the day!" One of those sweet little boy habits he hasn't outgrown yet. He's outgrown so many of them already.

  2. Awww thanks. It sort of passed, Thank God. I remember the worst thing I ever saw was the Nicholas Berg beheading. That one made me actually go throw up and feel sick for days or possibly weeks. Then I never looked for anything like that again. The arrowana I was sort of clueless about...that they're so voracious when they get big. I remember seeing tiny ones in a pet shop and thinking they were ugly-pretty. I think they're called "the money fish" and are considered "valuable" in fish tank feng shui. But I could be misremembering. I had no idea they turn into these voracious monsters and get huge and eat anything. Yuck. I mean just yuck.

  3. I think it's all the unfiltered nature of the stuff. On ID Discovery they sort of protect you from the real shit. And it's about justice. On YouTube it's just gore and blood and guts and entire cultures that are insane where the government is sanctioning this shit (like you mention above). That sort of makes me lose faith in humanity. That the keepers of society are themselves insane and that entire societies are so insane, entire religions. I didn't just arrive here on this planet yesterday but I manage to screen a lot of this out to keep sane--or a semblance of it. Some days it gets through. I suppose I should be wanting to do something but getting through each day is enough of a challenge. I used to write letters on behalf of prisoners for Amnesty International. But that was when I was a kid with boundless energy and hope and optimism.