Object Porn: The Sexually Ambiguous Bowling Ball

A bowling ball was sexually confused. The bowling ball wasn't sure if it was male or female or neither or both. What threw the bowling ball for a gender loop was the three holes. Three holes usually means female.

But the bowling ball felt very masculine, preferred the company of men in a non-sexual capacity, and liked to knock things down and just generally be very aggressive.

The bowling ball didn't have a problem with its body shape, since masculine objects are often so masculine that they just don't care what any object thinks about any aspect of their physical being.

This in itself can be a very sexy character trait and many feminine objects --for example, powder puffs or Lucky Charms--were attracted to the bowling ball on account of this trait.

Often anorexic objects (mostly female but some males) were attracted to the sexually ambiguous bowling ball.

After a great deal of time had passed with a lot of kissing and very little sex, the sexually ambiguous bowling ball began to realize it existed mostly as a photo-op for insecure objects which preferred the bowling ball in their lives as a sort of talisman and not an actual object to allow into their erogenous zones or affections.

When the bowling ball came to the conclusion that the vast majority of these insecure objects really just wanted to get their picture taken with the bowling ball so they could post this to their Twitter or Tumblr or Facebook, the bowling ball naturally began to feel used for its freakishness.

One night while very drunk, the sexually ambiguous bowling ball posted a list of all the objects which had implied they had wanted to have sex with it, but had only been teasing.

This caused a great number of unfriendings on various social media networks and a slew of unreturned text messages.

Then the sexually ambiguous bowling ball no longer cared and just became downright mean.

Soon after, the bowling ball was arrested for attempting to kill an object that had blown a kiss at it on a subway train in the middle of the night.

The sexually ambiguous bowling ball was surprised to find the happiest days of its existence occurred in prison, where many other damaged objects who did not know how to secure love also ended up.

And the best part about being in prison is that your prison lover can never escape.

That is, if you wisely choose one with little or zero chance for parole.





ops says:
March 28, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Thanks for sharing your views. I’m sure someone will come along and give a shit.

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