Friday, May 11, 2012

A Novel

I dreamt a novel the other afternoon. It was the dream of a suicide. A suspected suicide was on trial for the "crime." This took place in a time and clime when suicide was severely criminalized--the suicide banned from holy grounds, often buried in wasteland, etc.

The "suicide" had not been found. His or her body was still missing.

Possibly this person had just absconded.

But they were trying the suicide in absentia. Various mediums and other types of clairvoyants would take the stand and give sworn testimony or have the suicide speak through them "tauntingly."

The drama would swing convincingly in one direction, then the pendulum would reverse itself. Anger and fury would erupt frequently and ectoplasmic testimony from this trial would sometimes precipitate tragedies and miracles in the town.

There was potentially a great deal of opprobrium and considerable loss of assets to be endured by the survivors of the "suicide"--should the Court decide it was an actual suicide--even without discovery of the body.

In the end of the dream, I realize I am the suicide and that the proceedings, the entire legal proces, has been my dream and that possibly this takes place in the last moments of my body's existence, after I have taken steps to commit suicide, but before my body has finalized the act at the cellular level.

Or not. Possibly I am merely a child daydreaming about suicide while at a school desk.

Possibly, the suicide is the only survivor of a disaster which strikes the town and at the end there is a perfect clarity, like that of spring fields.

Possibly a plague or other unfortunate occurrence has made suicide unnecessary, by rendering the existence of all other beings--the source of my character's anguish--non-existent.

One has ceased to be a character in that instance. One only exists as a "character" in relation to other beings.

Alone, one is merely being itself.

Possibly, my character has been committed to a madhouse but believes the rest of the world has died in this apocalypse, and so arrives at a sort of strange peace in the asylum where he lives out his days.

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