Saturday, May 12, 2012

Something I Wish Hercule Poirot Had Been Able to Say in a Book or Movie

"I was merely commenting, Madame, upon the slight remnant of a scar, how does one say--a cicatrix? The cicatrix that lies slightly to the left of your-- how does one say in the English vernacular--pus-say? in your candid photo on that sex hookup site. I am assuming you have reversed this photo prior to uploading it, since surgical orthodoxy usually dictates that the scar be on the right side of the newly configured female pudenda. Which would mean also that you, Miranda Creptitation, were at the time of the murder of Herbert Hargreaves, in actuality Michael Crepitation. Which also means that our murderer is not dead, but sitting with us in this very room, and drinking a martini prepared for her by her dupe of a lover, the Duke of Unwittington. The gendarmes will be here in three minutes. Please do not fight them, my dear. Be a lady."


  1. Paul Dinello's ManservantMay 12, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    Funniest thing I read all day! :-D

  2. I love Poirot. I want to do a shameless rip-of of him for a series of kid's books. The detective is, of course, a cat, who solves cat mysteries. I want to name him after my Belgian Friend Bernard.