Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Alas! Alack! Lackaday!

I have only recently realized that trying to "win someone back" after you have poured all your negative emotions into their soul is like trying to take medicine back to a pharmacy. You can try but...Good Luck with That. You'll probably need a gun. And even then the one doing the taking back will only be pretending. When they finally realize your "gun" is carved out of soap, you're fucked.


  1. You got my attention with the Shakespearean language, goodman boy. ;)

    I only ever went back once, and that's the one I married. Though he never broke my heart. None of them did. I was always the one who ended it.

    Sometimes I wonder if I would be wiser, kinder, better, if I'd had my heart broken at least once. What say you? Are you a better person for it, or is it overrated?

  2. You must be descended from kings. Because you don't snivel. I snivel. He's actually tolerating me again, so I can't answer the question. I write from imaginary points of view a lot, but I confess a lot of stupid shit, so I understand you asking. :-) I don't feel like a complete enough person to be an adequate partner to anyone, but if you love someone you just do. And don't want to let go.I try not to think it's parasitology (as well as love) but I do have that abandonment complex from when I was very little and was abandoned repeatedly. I always think I'm going to die "soon" and get out of his way but as he points out people in his family tend not to live to a great age and people in my family do (like that's reliable statistics ever...not!) So if he died I'd probably have eternal guilt for his Sliding Doors great love capable of being a complete human I somehow kept him from. So God better take out the right one to spare me that shit. I was having a great day, I thought, even with my mom in the hospital. And then a tooth chipped and I'm thinking I have another goddamn abscess and my brother is trying to con my mother into going into a nursing home when she DOES NOT WANT TO. He told her today that The Department of Aging can force her into a nursing home and that's what they want to happen with her. A complete fucking lie on both counts. And this is the brother that pulled the gun on me before and I had to get a PFA (has my alcoholism beat tenfold) so I am waiting for the world to blow up into smithereens. When at like 1 p.m. I was giggling like a schoolkid at the luck I had with some photos. Isn't that just like life? Buffet at two, funeral at three. See? Now aren't you sorry you basically just said "hello" and asked a simple question. You get a bonanza, a smorgasbord of sniveling in response lol. ;-) I hope things are going much better in your neck of the woods, health and otherwise. I imagine the big to-do is school starting back up and all that shopping and preparation? I only know because the neighborhood just got so damn quiet!! And I can walk around and take photos and see nobody. Which is sort of perfect for a freak like me. ;-) Malkin says hello and "TA-DA!" on his delivery of a claw into my leg today that three hours looked like a freakin sarcoma. And that was a "love tap."

  3. Nah, I don't snivel. I used to be very whiny but I just realized--not any more. I haven't outgrown it, I've replaced it with grumbling and occasionally losing my temper. I actually flamed someone on a blog the other day. Plenty of obscenities, profanity, and words like "retard" and "stupid." I'm embarrassed at having lost it like that. The blogger was becoming more and more sexist (drinking the MRA Koolaid) yet was still someone I considered a friend, and we had been debating these issues in a calm and reasonable way. But I had a moment of "the stupidity--it BURNS!" and I lost it. Yeesh, I'm horrified at the thought of turning into a nasty old crank.

    Re: relationships, parasitism is one of the possible dark sides, one way things can get twisted. The other side of that coin is when we become like parents to each other. Not in a pervy way, but in the sense that we become responsible for each other, that we take care of each other. And maybe we help each other with unfinished childhood business. Which can be a good thing or a bad thing. And of course it isn't limited by gender. There are plenty of times that I'm acting like my father and the spouse is acting like my mother. (Though I've learned not to point that out to him.)

    I've been feeling basically OK but blah, meh, eh, feh. Unfocused. I'm feeling badly about my flame-out. And being a one-car family living in the middle of nowhere is getting to me more than usual.

    Don't forget to put antibiotic on the freakin sarcoma.

  4. lol (seriously) at "the stupidity--it BURNS!!" I have to remember to steal that. Don't feel bad about your flame-out. You were attacking potential Evil Empire malarkey! Thanks. I used rubbing alcohol but forgot the antibiotic cream. I do have it. He doesn't scratch. He "sinks." It's his way of being "subtle." Never scratched me once. Largely tolerant. But I have to get pix of him behaving badly because he does belong in the "My Pet is a Whore" Flickr group. Meaning both attention whore and just indulgent bad behavior. But adorable. He likes it when I beg him to join me on the bed. I think that's his favorite part of the day...deigning. Living in the middle of nowhere can get old. I have some online Australian friends who are so far off the grid it ain't funny. And one of them has bad health. It's only a few hundred miles to help or something when you have a heart attack. Ugh!