Monday, December 17, 2012

37 Belgian Kitties (Little Book. I Could Use an Illustrator for This.)


"Cats have been used to deliver mail: In Belgium in 1879, 37 cats were used to deliver mail to villages. However they found that the cats were not disciplined enough to keep it up."

37 Belgian kitties delivering the mail...

One saw "the perfect squirrel" and chased its tail
somewhere past forever.



36 Belgian kitties going door to door...

The calico quit. He thought the whole idea a terrible bore.


35 Belgian kitties bringing Belgians news.

One got psoriasis of the paws. He left the force,
soon took to booze.


34 Belgian kitties wearing backbacks of letters.

A touch-sensitive tabby left, citing "too many petters."


33 Belgian kitties meowing and trudging through the snow...

Delivering mail in a blizzard! Wind chill twenty below!

Three kitties turned in their mail licenses in one night.

A terrible blow!


30 Belgian kitties bravely sloughing on...

One's missus left him for another tom
who seduced her with some gravy.

Despondent, this kitty joined the French navy.


29 Belgian kitties sashaying, delivering postcards.

One turned out to be a mail thief.

Now he sashays in prison yards.


28 Belgian kitties, each a resolute courier.

Well, except for one Manx,
who proved an excessive worrier.

He's now in some sort of therapy.
His mates say, "So what. 
That one was never a hurrier."


27 Belgian kitties pussyfooting postally past.

One got herself with kittens. Missy was fired fast.


26 Belgian kitties going home to home...

One had a vision, a conversion, and quickly left for Rome.


25 Belgian kitties earning postal glory.

One challenged a Schipperke. End of story.


24 Belgian kitties answering the call of duty.

A rather vain Siamese joined a passing army,
because a general called her
"a real rat-catching beauty."


23 Belgian kitties begin to feel the tension.

One leaves because he's sure there will be no pension.


22 Belgian kitties wonder where all their comrades went.

One idly decides to live as a vagabond
on the streets of Ghent.


21 Belgian kitties given a condescending pep talk.

Five minutes later, two insulted kitties walk.


19 Belgian kitties delivering mail 
in a terrible thunderstorm.

Suddenly, a tail is struck by lightning!

It was his ninth life!

He died a national hero,
saluted by every gendarme.


 18 Belgian kitties stroll past the Lightning Monument
where their comrade stands, carved in stone.

Nevertheless, a tortie defects that very day,
takes work with a barge on the Rhone.


17 Belgian kitties are becoming superstitious.

Rumors the postal force is cursed prove quite vicious.

Two more kitties leave, despite Belgian wishes.

15 Belgian kitties carry heavier and heavier packs.

A puffing Persian goes completely lax.

He is carried off on a litter and doesn't come back.

The other kitties grumble, divide his stacks.


14 Belgian kitties talk about forming a union
over a few catnip beers.

The cat who brought up the idea
mysteriously disappears.


13 Belgian kitties carry parcels near and far.

One is accidentally hit by (some say "threw himself under")
a railway car.


12 Belgian kitties work awful overtime now.

One overworked kitty insults an important cow.

The next day he's sent to the kitty hoosegow.


11 Belgian kitties all despise their jobs.

Time passes so slowly. Constantly, they look at their fobs.

One runs into the forest.
His name was Dobbs.


10 Belgian kitties begin to conspire.

"Say...what if this old Belgian town just caught on fire?"

Two very moral kitties take umbrage and ire,
resign from the force in indignation

at the idea of such a conflagration. 


8 Belgian kitties deliver mail late into the night.

Terribly short-staffed, now the job just bites.

The full moon and lovely forest breezes
whisper "Dobbs...Dobbs...Dobbs....

come play and forget those Belgian yobs."  

Three kitties throw off their postal ballast
and race for the woods, the milky shadows of trees--

"Free at last!"         


5 Belgian kitties feeling totally mischievous.

"The less others do, the more they give us!"

Two throw all their mail down into the river,
and off they race to soak their liver.


3 Belgian kitties remain like martyrs.

Two see the piles of mail that now await
and turn departers.


1 Belgian kitty...there was only one!

The government said, "It's okay, son."

And he received a pension of milk and mice.
He was even introduced to the royals

who found him "very nice."

Once a year he visits his old postal route
and when he sees his fellow mail carrier
(head held high, whiskers carved in stone)

he gives a little tail salute.








  1. hahaha!
    Such an unusual case narrated so fantastically, playfully. I love the details. It made my night. :)

  2. Thanks, Taina! I should probably give it another read-through and maybe touch it up some. I haven't looked at it since I posted it and I usually draft (even doggerel, silly verse like this). Cheers.